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The Kiddushin: Betrothal
According to Torah law, there are one of three conditions that must be met kiddushin to occur. The first is by a money transaction. The man gives to money or an object of value to the woman. A kohein often fulfilled this requirement by providing the bride with a portion of his sacrificial meat provided by the Mikdash (Temple). This was symbolic of sharing of his Mikdash income with his Kallah. However, this practice was later outlawed in the Gemara, where Kiddushin 52b states: “If a man – or more correctly, a kohein – betrothed a woman with his portion of sacrificial meat, whether it be Kodashei Kodashim he has not betrothed her.” The reason for this is provided by Rambam, Hilchot Ishut 5:5 which states, “This sacrificial meat was given to the Kohanim only for eating, and not for anything else.”
The second method is through a document called the “ketubah”. This is a document stating a man’s intention to marry. The third method is though sexual intercourse performed with an intention to consummate a marriage. By the second Mikdash period, the rabbis had forbidden betrothing though intercourse, making it a punishable offense. The two stages of marriage were done on separate occasions. In order for the kiddushin to be legally binding, the transaction is required a minimum of two kosher witnesses. Once kiddushin is complete, the woman is legally the wife of the man. The relationship created by kiddushin can only be dissolved by death or divorce. However, the spouses do not live together at that time, and the mutual obligations created by the marital relationship do not take effect until the nisu’in is complete.
The Nisu’in: Marriage
The nisu’in or “home-taking” is accomplished through the means of the “chupah”. The nisu’in is ceremonially considered as the husband uniting with his wife under one roof for the sake of marriage. In ancient times, the two stages of marriage were done on separate occasions, often separated by a full year, in which the groom would devote himself to Torah study. However, as a priest had already fulfilled this requirement, this time could be shortened by whatever circumstances deeming it necessary.
Both the kiddushin and the nisu’in were accompanied by celebratory feasts.
Yosef and Mariam’s kiddushin, or betrothal ceremony was held in the Mikdash. It was there the Chasan (groom) and Kallah (bride) signed their ketubah or nuptial agreement. Then Yosef presented Mariam with a carefully wrapped portion of the Korbonot meat provided by a sacrifice to the Mikdash. The salted, dried meat was wrapped in a section of white linen imprinted with the priesthood’s special pattern of blue and trimmed with gold. As he placed the sacrificial meat in Mariam’s hand, Yosef declared in the Aramaic tradition, harei at li le’intu, “You are hereby my wife” (betrothed unto me by this offering of meat). At this point, they were considered to have entered the legally binding contract of marriage. Mariam was now forbidden to consort with another man. Still bride and groom were not allowed intimacy until the nisu’in ceremony was complete.
Mariam’s pregnancy had not yet become obvious by the time of the kiddushin. However, even wearing robes in a manner covering her condition, the situation would be unmistakable when she attended the Mikveh. For this reason, the Essene decided to have the nisu’in ceremony take place as quickly as possible. Shaphan became distraught at the thought of Mariam’s departure. She had been a valuable asset to both Shaphan and Peninnah. Not only did she help with household chores, but her Essene training in mathematics gave her the ability to assist Shaphan with his bookkeeping. As her own business began flourishing, it attracted new customers for Shaphan’s carpets. What’s more her own income had become more than sufficient to allow her payment of more than the going rate for lodging. Despite Shaphan’s distress over her departure, he knew this new life would mean the fulfillment of a mission that was paramount to all other considerations.
Shaphan happily sponsored the wedding at his house, along with his personally catering the Seudas Mitzvah, a lavish reception meal that would conclude the wedding. Shaphan always took great joy in wedding festivities, and aside from the dancing and merriment, these occasions also provided excellent opportunities to reaffirm old business relationship as well as forging new ones. Mariam’s popularity and Yosef’s stature as a kohein promised to make this particular wedding more than a special occasion; it would be the event of the season. Not only would Mariam’s clients come to the wedding, but numerous friends as well. It was said that one could not find anyone in the city who did not love Mariam, but none loved the maiden like her betrothed Yosef.
Mariam’s wedding was planned for the summer month of Elul. This would be two years after Mariam’s arrival in Yerushalayim and just a few months after the kiddushin. Peninnah sent wedding invitations throughout the city and as it turned out, the guest list was so long that that neighbors felt obliged to take in the overflow of guests promising to attend. The wedding would be one of the largest the city had seen in some time. Shaphan was almost overwhelmed by the intricate planning, for everything had to be in perfect order. Mariam’s bloodline had been carefully researched in the Mikdash by an Essene priest with access to the genealogical archives. This documentation had then been submitted to the kohein gadol for examination and approval in order to receive his blessing on the marriage.
Every detail was perfectly planned. The “L’Sameach Choson v’Kallah”, or wedding feast for the bride and groom, the gold fringed canopy or “Chuppah” that would cover the ceremony, even the blessed wine, were obtained from the best possible sources the city could provide. By the time Elul arrived, the wedding preparations had been completed for what would long be remembered as one of the most beautiful and joyous weddings ever held in Yerushalayim. As was customary, Yosef and Mariam had not seen each other for seven days prior to the wedding. Both had begun a fast that would last until the L’Sameach at the end of ceremony. Previously, each had been but half a person. Now, with the hour of marriage at hand, they would become whole, a single new and pure soul. Standing under the Chuppah, their destiny would be set.
The pre-ceremony festivities began with the Kabbalas Ponim, or the greeting of the bride and groom. As the Choson (groom) and the Kallah (bride) were not to see each on this last day, the reception would be held in separate rooms located at opposite ends of Shaphan’s house. Relatives and friends then came to greet and bless the Kallah and the Choson, offering them their most heartfelt wishes. Next came the Tena’im or Condition of Marriage. Tradition held that prior to the nisu’in ceremony, standard agreements were to be stipulated in a document agreed upon by the Choson, Kallah and their respective parents. This document represented a commitment by Yosef to fulfill his promise to marry. The text was read aloud and then members of both parties then signed the written obligation.
Next came the “Badecken”, or veiling of the Kallah. Escorted by his father and Shaphan along with other relatives and friends Yosef moved forward to veil the bride. Facing Mariam Yosef gently brought down the veil over her face in an act reminiscent of Rebeccah’s covering her face with her veil upon seeing Isaac before marriage. This veiling served two purposes. First it was meant to impress upon Mariam her duty towards Jewish ideals of modesty. The second would be to impress other men of her status as a married woman, henceforth unapproachable. The covering symbolized modesty, dignity and chastity characterizing the virtues of Jewish womanhood. Just prior to the beginning of the chuppah, all knots on the Yosef’s garments were untied, symbolizing that all other bonds are eliminated, except this intimate one made between Mariam and himself. He then donned the “Kittel”, the traditional white robe traditionally worn on Yom Kippur. This robe would serve to remind Yosef of the solemnity of the occasion.
With the Kabbalas Ponim ceremony completed, the Choson and the Kallah now moved in solemn procession to the Chuppa where they would be united. Arriving at the Chuppa canopy, Mariam and her family circled Yosef seven times, recalling the seven turns of a Tefillin’s strap wrapped around a man’s arm that bound him to the phylactery. Thus, as Yosef bound himself in love to the Mikdash, so too would his love bond him to his Kallah. The seven circles also represented the completion of the seven-day process in which earth was created. During those seven days, the earth revolved on its axis seven times. Since their marriage served to reenact this creative process, Mariam’s encirclement of Yosef likewise symbolized the repetition of these seven earthly rotations of the creation.
On this day of his wedding, Yosef would be compared to a king and just as a king would be encircled by his legions, Yosef was now encircled by the Kallah’s entourage. When the Mariam finished the seven circles, she took her place at Yosef’s right side right, and a cantor called out, “at the right hand does the queen stand.” Two members of the party were then called upon to stand under the Chuppah as witness to the proceedings. As the two stood beside each other under the gold-fringed canopy, the cantor welcomed them with the following blessing.
Peninnah planned Miram’s wedding early in the month of Tammuz, two years after her arrival in Yerushaláyim. Wedding invitations were sent throughout the city. There were so many, neighbors offered to take in the overflow of attending guest. This would be one of the largest weddings the city had seen in some time. Shaphan was almost overwhelmed by the intricate planning, for everything had to be in perfect order. Mariam’s bloodline had been carefully researched in the Mikdash by covert Essene with access to the archives. This information was then submitted to the kohein gadol for examination and to receive his blessing on the marriage.
At last the wedding preparations had been completed for what would long be remembered as one of the most beautiful and joyous weddings ever held in Yerushaláyim. As was customary, Yosef and Mariam had not seen each other for the seven days prior to the wedding and had begun the fast that would last until the wedding ceremony. Previously, each had been but half a person. Now, with the hour of marriage at hand, they would resume their original wholeness, as a single new and pure soul. Standing under the Chupah their life destiny would be set.
The ceremony began with the Kabbalas Ponim or the greeting of the bride and groom held in separate rooms in Shaphan’s house. The receptions were held separately since the Choson (groom) and the Kallah (bride) were not to see each on this last day of the week prior to the wedding. Relatives and friends all came to greet the bride and groom and bless them, offering them their heartfelt wishes. With the Kabbalas Ponim completed, Yosef the Choson and Mariam the Kallah went in solemn procession to the Chupa where they would be united.
Upon their arrival under the Chupah, Mariam and her family, represented by Shaphan and Peninnah, circled Yosef seven times. This circling recalled the seven turns of a Tefillin’s strap wrapped around a man’s arm. Just as a man would bind himself in love to G_d, so too was Yosef’s bond of love be to his bride. The seven circles represented the completion of the seven day process in which earth was created. During those seven days, the earth revolved on its axis seven times. Since their marriage served to reenact this creative process, Mariams encirclement of Yosef likewise symbolized the repetition of these seven earthly rotations. On this day of his wedding, Yosef was compared to a king and just as a king would be encircled by his legions, Yosef was now encircled by his bridal entourage. When the Mariam finished the seven circles, she took her place at Yosef’s right side right, and a Psalmist called out, “at the right hand does the queen stand.” Two witnesses were then called upon to stand under the Chupah and witness the proceedings.As the bride and groom stood beside each other under the Chupah, a cantor welcomed them with this blessing: “Welcome! The Seder Kiddushin – The Betrothal and Marriage Benediction Next came the marriage benediction. This observance was held in two parts; both parts would be introduced with a benediction over wine, the symbol of joy and abundance. The first blessing over the wine sanctified the marriage. After this blessing Mariam and Yosef groom each took a sip of wine. The second blessing was recited over the ceremony, thanking G_d for providing the opportunity to perform the mitzvah. Once again after the blessing Mariam and Yosef sipped the wine from the wedding cup. After the seven blessings. The blessing ended with the Psalmist saying “Blessed are You L-rd, Who sanctifies His people Israel through Chupah and Kiddushin.” Yosef then placed a simple band of gold on his bride’s right forefinger. The gold reflected to Mariam that she would be as precious as gold to Yosef. As he placed the ring on her finger Yosef recited the following, “Harei At Mekudeshes Li B’taba’as Zo Kedas Moshe V’Yisrael – Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” To separate the betrothal blessings from the marriage blessings (Sheva Berachos), the “Kesubah” (marriage contract) was now read aloud in Aramaic. The “Kesubah,” a binding document of confidence and trust, would detail Yosef’s obligations to Mariam. Therein, he would pledge to “work for his bride, honor, provide for and support her, in accordance with the practices of Jewish husbands who work for their wives’ honor, provide and support them in truth.” Symbolically, this contract recalled the wedding between G_d and Israel where “Moses took the Book of the Covenant” and read it to the people after the Jews stood under the “Chupah” at Mt. Sinai. Following the reading of the contract, Yosef handed it to Mariam.
He who is the Al-mighty and Omnipotent, over all; He who is Blessed over all;
He who is the Greatest of all;
He who is Distinguished of all;
Shall Bless the Choson and Kallah.”
The Ketubah – The Marriage Contract
After the ceremony, the Mariam and Yosef retired to a private room for the symbolic “consummation” of their marriage. The few minutes they would share together would allude to their new intimate relationship and emphasizes that their absolute privacy was to be respected. Refreshments were then served, and the two broke their fast.
The Seudas Mitzvah – The Wedding Feast
After this moment of solitude, the festivities began in earnest. At the Seudas Mitzvah the guests would participate in the “L’Sameach Choson v’Kallah,” to celebrate in joy with the groom and bride. Although the wedding feast in itself would be a mitzvah, the emphasis would be on entertaining the newlyweds. The guest began by dancing around the Mariam and Yosef in an expression of their support for the couple. Finally at the end of the feast, the “grace after meals” was recited.
The Mitzvah Tantz – The Bride dances with the guests
Claudia, adjusted an uneven earring, “And what might that wish be my love?”
Pilate tried calming her with a soothing tone, “Nonsense my dear, no one laughs at the procurator less they face his wrath, besides I want to keep these Jews off balance by acting in unexpected manners”.
Then he laughed and added, “Besides, I have misplaced my branch of Pontic wormwood with which to protect my anus. Come my love, keep our spirits merry on this fine day; finish your preparations and let us be off”.
“What does Judean royalty wish then of a simple Roman bureaucrat?” queried Pilate.
Herod paused, drawing a breath before continuing, “You have risen through the military ranks and have served most honorably in the legion’s army. I find men of your background to be of a most practical nature. Although I lack military experience, I too am of such a nature, therefore can we agree in taking an approach befitting our practical natures?”
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